I'm truly sorry.

Hey guys.

Passed few days have been hell for me, i was anticipating too much on things and got myself disappointed for nothing. Sometimes i wish i do not have to feel, so i wouldn't be complaining about all my heartaches and how tragic my life is now and then. So many things are just combining up my head one after another, i don't see how i can ever overcome it when it keeps persisting to haunt me down so badly. This kind of feeling to wake up to every morning is just simply overwhelming, i might just die inside instantly. I don't know how to smile anymore, i don't know how to look on the bright side anymore. All these just seems so dull and unforgetting, the devil is winning against me. I'm on the verge of giving up so badly, on the verge of breaking down slowly.

To whom it may concern :

I guess things just happened way too fast, too fast for us to react accordingly. After all that happened, i somehow wish we could go back in time and be strangers again. When we haven met, things were pretty good, things were pretty normal. After taking a step further, i suddenly realized you became apart of me. I don't know why i'm just dying slowly inside everytime when i think of you, it makes it seems like we've got nothing at all. I don't see how we are again back then, all i see is just us fading away quickly without a reason. The fact that you came into my life and made it hard for me to forget, its just torturing me so badly each day when i wake up having to face reality once again. I can't even look forward to the upcoming days ahead, the path seems so dark and deserted. 

I know we're both afraid of the same thing, i know that there are a lot of restrictions in between us. I hate it so much that i want to forget all that and just rebel from it, but we both know its not going to work out well. On that day of all the text we sent, i was trying so hard not to breakdown in public. I was trying so hard to smile out of all the pain i'm feeling, that's all i can ever do to make myself feel better. I miss you so much, so much that i'm dying to see you everytime. But things became so complicated, seems like a wall is building up each day. I don't know how to overcome this, i struggled enough for the passed few days. Trying so hard not to think of what may or may not happened, its drivin' me to my grave. Overwhelming sadness took over me and killed me, literally.

I still remember what you told me that night, telling me how things will get difficult if we let things progress. I guess you're right, things will get pretty ugly somehow. But i was keeping my faith strong till then, i wasn't expecting anything and just living my life accordingly. Till one day i had to let everything out, till one day you started taking up the space in my mind. I shouldn't be complaining, instead, i should be happy. Maybe one day everything will work out well for us, cos i know if its meant to be, it will definitely be. Right now we're in a state of becoming strangers but its okay, for now is better this way. We can go back to becoming how we use to be, just us being friends without any communication. It seems better, cos everything was easier back then.

You know, i'm really sorry for all that happened. I wasn't expecting that things would turn out the way it is now, my faith was too high that it came crumbling down after that. And that taught me a lesson, expectations leads to disappointment. After you, i'm sure i'll be keeping my heart guarded from now on. I see no point for me to carry on waiting when there's nothing to wait on for, its not a waste of my time but my happiness in the days to come. Thinking too much of you makes it even harder for me, i can't even smile when i know all the restrictions and accountability we both gotta give. I guess when you really love someone, you have to sacrifice a little just to make the other party be happy. I can't always be thinking of myself, it takes two hands clap afterall. What's done, can't be undone. One day you'll find someone cooler, someone bubblier than me. I apologise for not being the one, i took the wrong step in the first place thinking of all the possibility that would happened.

I guess this is it, its over. All that i wanna say to you, is useless already.

 

But i can't anymore.