The demons in us.

Hey guys.

I don't know if its me or does everyone feels so crappy almost everyday? I can't even find a better word to describe this feeling i'm battling with all day and all night. Seems like the dark side has already taken over me, everyday feels like a struggle to me. If you're asking me to look on the bright side, i already did. Sometimes i tried being the brightest of all, but sooner or later i just fall apart in the end and start complaining again. Back to square one, always happens.

I know people dislike me always ranting it out on Twitter, i tend to lose followers everytime i rant. Its so difficult isn't it? Like how you wanna scream so loud but afraid that people might stare, like how you wanna cry and breakdown but afraid people might label you as an attention seeker? I wonder where in the world will it be a good place to vent out all the anger and not be judged at the same time, i guess screaming when no one's home seems like a pretty good idea. I did that once actually, cried so loudly and punched my knuckles against the wall. It feels good but at the same time, its feels like a lonely pain. It makes no sense, but i feel like i'm crying out so loud but no one could hear me.

 

So many times i wanna cry out loud for no apparent reason, like i don't know why am i always feeling so dull on the inside. My mind is my enemy, it gives me the urge to just punch everyone i see on the streets. I can't figure out why things are always going vice versa, is either i move on or continue dwelling in the same nightmare. Everyone feels so out of place at times, like how their mind would take control and torture the shit outta them. There's this thing that people always put on, a mask. They're down right sad on the inside but outside they're just full of joy, how did they even do that? I think i tried that once, but was leaked out cos i failed at pretending. 

Sometimes people couldn't see how exhausted i am, but only my close ones would be able to spot it at a blink of an eye. Its so ironic that deep down inside we are not okay, but when people ask we just tell them we're fine. I guess maybe because we don't want others to share the burden with us, or we just don't feel like talking. Falling apart seems like an option, is either you fall or prevent it. Trust me, most of the human population chose to fall apart cos to them is the only choice left. There are a lot of choices, but we only focus on one. Our mind, sometimes does this thing called the Mindblown.

I'm fine.

Of cos i'm okay.

Nah, no worries i'm alright.

Sad? Hell no, i'm good.

Lies after lies.  

Only way out, no idea. From what i heard in a Chinese quote :

Being happy in a day, being sad also in a day. So why not live your life happy every single day?

 True story but the problem is, how? What if you're really at your weakest point and feels like everything's getting worse? I use to dwell so much on the negative side but now i learned how to laugh at my negativity, yes laugh. It really works, i tend to laugh and criticism myself in a way to make me feel encouraged. Next thing i know, i start laughing more and more everytime bad situation occurs. If you're afraid people might see you as a retard, go on. You'll never know they might laugh as well, then you just made someone's day unexpectedly. Gosh, what am i saying. 

Okay. Moral of the story, laugh at your flaws. You gotta accept your flaws, that's when you're beautiful. I accepted mine, and i'm happy. Everyone's going through hell like you are, but in different levels. So just go on and live your life, fight off the demons in you. 

Cos the devil never win.