How it felt like to be different.

Hey guys.

Guess this topic will be interesting, maybe not for you but i find it pretty exciting even while typing this. As y'know, i've officially stopped clubbing for weeks already and some of you might be thinking that it is only a few weeks that i've stopped stepping into clubs. Well, for me it is already a huge accomplishment not stepping into those noisy places again. I was going every single week back then cos i gotta work and entertain people all through the night, it was a fun thing to do but i was really exhausted. Heading down to club to see all those familiar faces makes me really happy, because i get to party hard with them and add some dramas in my life. People might label me as a hardcore clubber, but i didn't ever thought to myself that i was one. The fact is, i've got no damn idea what is their definition of a hardcore clubber since everyone got a different perspective on it. But i believe that i wasn't one despite being there almost every week cos i have to work, moreover, i'm always outside the club walking here and there trying to find people to talk to since i was bored of spending 7 hours dancing like a mad woman inside that cold, freezing place. It kinda depends who i'm with and what music genres they're playing, its like strolling along the side walk while people is partying. Seems legit, the way i put it.

So let's list down some of the good feelings i had after i stopped clubbing. 

Good #1

Going to club always makes me rush through a lot of things, great great example is while i'm at Church. Imagine how sucky it is to always have to travel from the east to the west or west to central. Church ended pretty late and there is a time limit i have to be at the club cos people are waiting for me or people who are under my guestlist have got no idea what they have to do. Most shitty of all, i'm always lazy to travel by bus/MRT transport cos i'm constantly thinking that the distance is such a damn killer. So what do i do? Cab. Cabbing like free almost every week, my finances were deteriorating not only every Friday or Saturday but everyday. Always leaving all my church mates after the preaching from the pastor, then heading down to club with my BIBLE. Yes wtf, i know. That's why i barely bring my BIBLE to Church sometimes cos i feel really bad if i let it enter the club, it might not happen to anyone but its just my own conscience of things. Some Christian readers might be hating on me cos of how rebellious i present myself but you're not alone, cos i hated myself as well, maybe more than you do.

After leaving this path for a better one, i realized things changed a lot. After Church services, i was always rushing here and there like there's no tomorrow. But now, i feel a great burden lifted up away from me because i can finally relax myself and be with my church mates again. What's more beautiful to me is that people said i've changed as well, not for the worse but for the good. Spending all night talking to them, learning so many new things and realized how much i've missed out during my clubbing days. Why i hate so much about myself isn't because i'm always heading to club, but because i chose club over my friends and spiritual family. I don't know how to describe this feeling i'm feeling, seems like regrets are taking over me. How can i ever choose a place over someone with feelings? I do love the club cos it was my homeground, i blame myself for not realizing how much i've given up to becoming better. I honestly dislike people seeing me as a clubber, i do a lot of thinking for that. It sounds pretty stupid, but i cried a lot for it as well. Its like i wanna change, but i'm not doing anything but letting this whole clubbing addiction be worse. But right now, i can gladly say that i'm happy. Really really happy, its like the best feeling one can ever imagine. And i'm proud that people are seeing the change in me, like finally.

Good #2

Sleep has always been my best friend for almost all my life, i can never live without it. The feeling of not sleeping well, the feeling of waking up so damn early after those clubbing nights for an appointment with people, the feeling of constantly reminding myself to sleep early the next night but never happen. Every single time after those havoc, happy moments at the club, there is always a point of time where all the crappy stuff stacks up. Once the night is over, once the Sun comes out, boooooomzxc you're madly drained. Next thing you know, you gotta be up in a few hours for something else. Imagine me living my life this way, it is better that someone can just kill me so i wouldn't have to wake up forever. Depriving of sleep almost everyday, but not making things better for myself. When i got home and can finally lay on my bed after a long day, next thing you know, boooooomzxc hours have passed and your body clock is screwed. Then when you're sleeping so well on a Sunday cos of all those havoc moments at the club, boooooomzxc you can't sleep at night for work the next day. Tossing and turning like a boss in the night, then waking up like a zombie the very next morning.

Right now, i still do complain about not having enough of sleep. But it is not because i club too much anymore, but because i spent my whole night with people i adore so much who can teach me and put in me so much of knowledge. After spending the whole night outside, next day i'll be tired but that night was worth everything. No regrets, no body aches, no tired eyes but with a 20% of knowledge added into my brain that keeps me refreshed and happily living throughout the hours of positiveness planted into me. Even better, i get to go to Church then after spending time with my fellow church mates, i'll still have that energy in me running on and on for the next night activity(e.g Birthday parties, chalets). What's more greater than all these? What's more greater than spending so much of time with your loved ones? Rather than spending my time at a club for 7 hours, i can actually spend it with people whom i adore and people who can teach me to be a better me. Where have i been to for months? What was i trying to be constantly heading to club every week? Why didn't i notice that people are doing great things for me but i kept avoiding it? Why, why, why, why, whys every single where.

Good #3

This means a lot to me right now, the changed i've made after weeks for not stepping into the club. I know people are still not believing in me that i've quit clubbing for good. I still do receive club invites all over Facebook, but i just ignored all of it and carry on with my life i'm happy with now. The most ironic thing is, club events have became more and more awesome these days after i left. I don't know if i'm being tested or the clubs have already evolved into something magical. I'm really happy that the club i often goes to is becoming way way better and they're making their way up to becoming more and more awesome and successful. Seeing how things have changed for myself and my ex-homeground, i can only sit back and enjoy every moment of it feeling so damn good about everything. In the past, i'm always thinking about club and feeling bad after clubbing and not thinking for my own health and what not. Right now, i have the best of both world. I'm happy for myself and i'm happy for my ex-homeground that they're very successful right now. Though i miss them so so much, i can only pop by once in a while but not to the club but just to say hi, people might be in shocked if they see me unexpectedly appearing out of no where and they'll start all their questionnaires.

Not having someone believing in me that i've quit clubbing, it feels like a challenge to me. Like every weekends i wake up to, is like a battle i have to fight. Fighting with people minds cos some of my clubbing mates will be thinking that they'll see me, but i've never appear ever since. Its like proving to someone that you can do something when they belittled you that you are not able to succeed. Then once you've made the evidence and proof that you have accomplished, boooooomzxc right in their faces. Things are pretty hard to conclude now cos its just weeks that have passed, but i'm making it years and years to proof my desire of quitting club for good. Though all those clubbing invites did not win my heart or mind, but i'm sure one day something will tempt me right into it again. So i'm telling everyone now that i might pop out unexpectedly, or might not. Telling you guys first in case you wanna judge me again, I MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT step into a club. But don't get me wrong, i meant for a birthday event or a super awesome event and its just a day then boooooomzxc i'm gone again.  

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Things got better for me recently, and i'm happy with living my life this way till i die. I've decided to go back to Children Church to serve again, i've decided to use my blessing to bless others in need. This is a choice i can choose from, so i choose to give back to society and make life better for people and myself. I can't say that things will be easy, there will definitely be trials and tribulation on the way but i'm not giving up one bit at all. I've made the furthest achievement in life and i'll be achieving more in the days to come, making sure that every perseverance and endurance will be counted as part of my changes. To be someone better, i have to take the first step to change. I can't always wait for miracles to happen on its own, someone have to do something.

I hereby thank all those people who partied hard with me, and also thank all those people who were there for me throughout. Most importantly, thank you to all those people who gave me so much to learn. Without great and wise advice from you people, i wouldn't be who i am now. Thank you for always believing in me when no one else believes that i can overcome this addiction and move on, i'm a changed person now. Orh yeah~