Successes | Accomplishments.

Hey guys.

Have you ever wonder if you're going to be successful one day? Sometimes life can get so busy and difficult and most of us just doesn't have that confidence that one day we will be able to accomplish what we have always desired. At times, the encounters we all have can be so ridiculous and you ask yourself over and over again why it always happens to you. I've been through so much of hardships in my life and till now i am still wondering what am i called for, seems like there is always a never ending battle for all of us no matter how much we have tried to fought our way through. I am 100% sure that there are people in this world who have gone through much more pain than i do and is still fighting their way out. This kind of hardships test us way too much when we're already down on our knees surrendering everything, i guess this is how reality shakes us up and kill us sometimes. Then one fine day, we just give up and never want to try again. Letting go all that we're persisted for, giving up everything and going back to square one again. Then we asked ourselves repeatedly, ' Why me? '

So many a times i tried to accomplish all that i've set my goals on, but end up being a failure cos of one stupid mistake i've made that had cost me so much. If only a time-machine could just bring me back once more, i'll never make the same mistakes again. Right now, i am still unsure what my callings are. I am still unsure if i am doing what i have to, or am i just simply floating around like a balloon running out of helium. I have stopped for a moment and tried clearing and renewing my senses, but i can never get it right because of how much of negativity i am holding on to. Burdens over burdens piling down on me everyday of my life and when i thought i've cleared some away, more of it came piling down again. Maybe because i learned too little when i was growing up, maybe because people in my life had discriminated me way too much that i've lost all confidence in myself, or maybe because i am just plainly full of nothing. I don't know just how to get back on track anymore, feels like whatever i tried doing always ends up being nothing. Moreover, i can never break through from my difficulties and struggles.

Some people labeled as a very clever girl, some people labeled me as a very potential girl, some people labeled me as a very talented girl. We all have been praised several times, but the thoughts we have is always a straight voice that tells us in our heads saying : ' They are lying '. The probability of us accepting the praises given by people is 0 to 3%, we will always find all sorts of excuses declining their compliments. Maybe some of us just wants to be humble, maybe some of us just wants to fish for more compliments, or maybe some of us really felt that low towards ourselves. Whatever it is, i know myself that i am not that of what people praised me about. Deep down inside, my confidence and self-esteem can never be a pass for me. Everyday i just look into the mirror thinking what my talents are, but i found none. A day for me is already dreadful, dealing with people, dealing with battles, dealing with huge wars. Do i really have to sit back and let all these bad memories flash pass me helplessly?

Of cos i don't always look on the most dull side of my life, i do look on the bright side sometimes. Maybe i did try saying something positive when the worse day of my life is approaching, it does help sometimes. Despite me always being so negative, i still pray really hard and i still try looking on the most positive side. Most of my close friends always get so pissed off with me cos i am always inviting negative energy on myself, i bet they just want to shut me up and kill me a million times. I've always wanted to tell them that this is not something i wanted, is something that is already in me cos of all my bad experiences in the past. Is like a wound that has healed but a visible scar is still imprinted and it will never go away even if i want it to. I take positive words from people around me to cover up all my negativity and to feel a little better about myself, but we all know that good things doesn't last forever. Bad encounters tends to be provoked when we are happy, next thing you know we just fall and break again without a specific warning. Its like a natural disaster, impromptu and inevitable.

So if i can't ever encourage myself to feel better and to live better, i am sure that i can still encourage all of you who are reading this. Whatever you have tried so hard to accomplish it, go on pursuing it. I gave up way too much on all the opportunities in my life, but i know you are still in your right mind to think it over and persevere on. Do not walk in the same footsteps like i did, do not let people bring you down with words cos you are stronger than who you think you are. Easier said than done, but what have you got to lose? To think that most of you are really talented and well brought up, i am sure i can learn something from anyone of you. If i can't feel the success i longed for, definitely i'll keep persisting through. We are all bound to fail in life, so just fail and then let it be a benefit for you in the time to come. I always believe that if we fail, its just the start of a stepping stone. Once we get out of it, the aftermath will be just fine for you. Never ever say a word of discouragement because whatever you say, determines your future ahead. You wouldn't want your own tongue to control your life, but your heart and mind.

So Heads up, Feel good and Live better.